Secret Admirer

by - 3/31/2017 04:51:00 pm


What is this? I am going to write something about secret admirer? Gosh, so cheesy. Seriously, I am not that kind of girl that really into so-called-romance-things. I do not even like romance genre movie, they are always not in the list. But uh, I guess this time I will make an exception. Hoho

Right here, right now, I am going to venting along (again, just like usual) about secret admirer.

This is my first time being a secret admirer. Actually, I do not have a crush on him, like, recently, but I have got this feeling maybe for months? years? And I keep it to myself. LOL. It is not like I've never crushing on a boy, no. But, every time I like someone, I always tell them, directly or indirectly. I always try to being friendly to my crush, make him my friend, and make him needs me, or keep thinking about me, until he likes me back. It was easy, you know, back then. Problem is, I guess I no longer have that bravery....or whatever you called it. I cannot just approach him and tell him, "hey, do you want to grab lunch with me and talk about life? or everything that you want to talk?" 

And I do not even know WHY.

As I said before, this is my first time being a secret admirer. But it feels like, it is not really "a crush" actually, because I do not really need to see him everyday, or something...I do not even text him. Ever. Well, I used to do that frequently, though, We were friends, back then. Well maybe we are still friends right now, but we do not really communicate with each other frequently (again). BUT. Every time I saw him passing by, I could smile to myself, I could looking at him for a long long time when he is around, I even know his clothes very well, so I always know that he is around although I did not see his face.

I always wanted to talk to him about everything. Even if we were just talking about how cats grow his fangs, I do not mind. Even if we were just talking why people cannot swim like fish, I do not f*ing mind. The most important thing is, he is talking to me. But, I do not really need to see him everyday, as I said. It is kind of weird, you know, crushing on a guy but you are not craving to see him or something.

Recently, I am guessing that he also has a crush on someone. But, weird, I do not really mind about it. I do not care whether he has a crush or maybe get a new girlfriend, all I care is, as long as he is happy, then I am happy. If having a crush makes him happy, then, go get a crush! If having new girl makes him happy, then, go get a girl! That is the weirdest part. I do not get jealous or mad or...another  emotions girl should feel when their crush has eyes on someone. Well, I mean, who am I anyway?

This is my first time being a secret admirer. Neither my friends, besties, or even my mother did not know about this, hahaha. Well, maybe my mother knows, because, my mother knows everything, I do not have to tell her about anything, but she still knows. Weird, is she some psychic or what? (kidding, mom)

LOL. I cannot understand myself. 
I have a crush
I am not craving to see him everyday
I do not even crave for his attention
I do not tell anybody about this ( well now I told you....)
I do not care if he has a crush or what
and all I care about is
he is happy
and that is all.

am I weird?
I guess.
or maybe this crush-feeling is not real?
wait...this sounds like David Archuleta's song...

Oh wait
One thing for sure...
Hey crush
I love it when you smile.


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